We were kids. I look back at it now and think of it as ridiculousness.
I don't talk to Ang anymore.
Hell I haven't seen a message or a text from her in over six months.
But I want to say something to you before you go.
If you want to jump in front of that train at 2am, I want you to pause and think about something that makes you happy.
I know we haven't talked in ages, but I still do care about you.
I want you to pause before you jump and think about it;
you won't be able to see another sunset, or the stars. Or feel the warmth of a lover lying in bed next to you, or the taste of a fresh cigarette between your teeth.
Or the warmth of the sun on your skin, or the soft fur of a baby bunny you hold. Or the sound of the trees moving in the wind, or the sound of the birds.
You will miss so much.
You will miss out on years of experiences, and love and lessons learned.
And how I am going to remember you.
I'm going to remember you.
The memories we had together.
How on my birthday my mama sent me "Happy Birthday" every ten minutes, and she told me she loved me.
I took after how she drew people- and to this day, I draw pants the way she used to draw them.
I will remember you as my old best friend.
Who I often find myself thinking about,
because to this day I have a picture in my room.
One of Solstice and the other Han.
And it's going to stay there.
Because no matter how much pain and suffering we went through, the love and the memories burned it away.
I remember staying up at night, until 5 am, on DA.
Messaging you for the very first time, over and over.
Instantly bonding with you through the night.
I remember Mo, and you telling me all your stories.
Simply;
I remembering someone who gave me a reason to stop putting a blade to my wrist and to stop skipping meals.
A savior.
I know that we haven't spoke in years it seems, but time couldn't dwindle a Destery memory.
I also don't expect you to reply-
Hell, you don't need too.
But mama,
I want you to live your life as full and as wonderful as you ever could.
With happiness and smooches and laughs.
Replace the anxieties with wonderful distractions of music and reading, tv shows and long walks.
Watch the sunset and just breathe.
Love, bambina